Changes and Challenges

It is almost mid January and I haven't finished our Christmas countdown and our other family Christmas festivities, but life threw us a curve ball and certain things have been pushed to the side. After Christmas Madeline had a foot surgery. Madeline's left foot was pigeon toed and she was walking on her tip toes. The bones in her foot were starting to get stiff and rigid in this position and to prevent Madeline from being pigeon toed for life, it was time to go in and correct the problem. In my mind I was thinking it was like a broken foot. You go in have it fixed and then get a cast for 6 weeks. The plan was that Madeline would have a walking cast with walking boot for 6 weeks. That seemed simple to us and something very manageable. However, when the doctor got in the operating room he realized that he needed to do more work. Grant calls me with shocking news. Madeline was going to have a cast and it would be on for six weeks, but it would be a full leg cast. I was immediately overwhelmed, my daughter was not going to be mobile for 6 weeks. After her full leg cast Madeline will then receive another cast, a walking one, that will be on for 4 weeks. Fear came over me and I asked how am I suppose to be a full time mother and a full time nurse. The care that Madeline was going to need overwhelmed me and I wasn't sure how I was going to manage. I was worried about my bad back and the burden of lifting her and assisting her with all her needs. I have been thrown curve balls with Madeline before and I have learned that whatever challenges come I can handle them as long as place my faith in my Savior and trust in the fact that with Him I can do anything. So we brought Madeline home from the hospital and I shielded myself with faith and trust and went to work doing what I do best-love my daughter.

We have been at this for a week, and there have been days that I thought would never end and wondered how am I going to do this for 5 more weeks, and then there have been days that have flown by and went about in a normal fashion. My back has been sustained and has been able to carry the burden placed upon it. I was fearful, but this has been a testimony building experience of what the power of prayer can do. Don't get me wrong I have my eye on Feb 2, the day the cast comes off; but until then I know I can be the full time mom and full time nurse that Madeline needs because I am not doing it alone. When you have the Savior beside you, there is nothing that you cannot do.

I have always admired Madeline for her faith, courage, and strength; but this experience has increased my admiration for her. In a lot of ways Madeline's independence has been taken from her, she is at the mercy of her family to take her from place to place and to assist her in going to the bathroom. Through this and through the pain, Madeline has maintained her smile and her spark. Today we had a tender moment between Mom and Daughter. Madeline was on my lap and I was talking to her trying to calm her down. I looked her in the eyes and told her that I am sorry that it is hard that she is not able to walk and do all the things that she loves to do. I told her that I was sorry that she had to have a full leg cast and to be in a wheel chair. I told her that I was sorry that it hurt so much. Madeline then reached up for me to hug her and then she just cried and I cried too. My heart just broke in a million pieces and at that moment I just wished that I could trade places with her. I can't take the pain away, I can't take the cast away, and I can't snap my fingers and have her foot completely healed; but what I can do is give her love and to fill her days with magical moments. Madeline is my hero; she is full of strength, courage, dignity, and faith. My life has been enriched and blessed. It is my greatest joy to be her mother and see her spark, the spark that only Madeline can have.